The Midwife

Babies! Lovely babies!
A new born child is a miracle
And all the other midwives will agree
It’s the most amazing sight you’ll ever see

And though they come out bloody
And they all have funny hair,
Let me tell you buddy
Why you’ll find me there:

I want to eat your placenta
You have what I want to eat
I fry it in garlic and butter
It comes out so tender and sweet.
How can there be such a flavour
In meat that’s oh so lean?
Why don’t you come round for dinner?
Maybe you’ll see what I mean.

Babies! Pretty babies!
To see a birth is incredible
And every single day it warms my heart
Each time I get to watch a new life start

But if you catch me winking
As I’m begging you to push,
Guess what I am thinking
As I’m staring at your bush:

I want to eat your placenta
Roast it with some rosemary and sage
The older the mother, the tougher the meat
But the flavour will develop with age.
If you are having a party
Throw it on the barbecue.
If you think that placenta would scare them
You can melt it away in a stew.

I want to eat your placenta!
Make a marinade with chillis and some zest
All of my meals are delicious
But teenage mothers really are the best.
Some people think that I’m crazy
But it’s worth it for the taste:
That’s why you’ll find me at nightfall
Going through the bins of human waste.

Copyright 2008 Dan Woods – all rights reserved

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